For the past almost year solid, I had been in a state of constant anxiety and dread- of what? Well, I don't exactly know, but it has followed me and sat at the pit of my stomach and its just been so tough to put my finger on it, or to even begin to heal what this deep seated "black hole" in the center of my gut was sourced from.
I mean the idea of motherhood, and the change that came with that (hormones included) I'm sure played a role in it, but when I look at my life I realize really how beautiful it all is, and I cant seem to understand why this shadowy fearful anxiety always seemed to show up and throw dreary clouds over my sunshine.
Only in the past 2 months when my schedule began to really slow down, and the business of working a full time job dedicated to experiential urban agricultural education and youth work term came to an end, did I start to sit with these feelings without that peripheral "gotta meet this deadline" or " gotta prepare for this lesson or that group" and I began to ask myself some questions.
Now for the purposes of this article (and this blog) we can use the following context, "what is an earthy nutritionist?" Like, what does that mean to me, and in which ways do I strive and proceed to manifest this concept into a tangible tool for the communities that I serve, the family that I belong to, and the generation in which Im a part of? To my own holistic journey in this life?
Because, I had found myself going from one thing to the next, wearing on my body, and my mind rushing to reach something that I wasn't really sure of- I guess to complete the next task or some task that just absolutely HAD to be done. But it seemed to be just distracting and compromising me from some of the deeper pulls from my soul and intuition to discover the "self" beyond the self that was attached to a role- one thats societal, professional, as a mother, a woman.
Now before I get too deep or emo over here, let me get to the point. I have this deep fiery passion for a beautiful EARTH (Nature)! I look around me, and I see piles of trash piled up, I see my community looking like a war zone, I see all of this rich history sitting right in front of my eyes, and a people deeply affected by drug addiction, poverty, and many just surviving just surviving not really living or thriving. And I think to myself, I see this in myself, and I feel these ways and sometimes I feel other ways, and when no one is around at times I delve deeper into this place and blanket myself in its own darkness, in my own darkness and I feel like I die a little bit inside each time I stay too long. And I do believe that this place has its rightful place in the collective mind, and its important, but its not a destination- when you live in it constantly it just becomes a flat out LIE- its truly something to learn from (that folks have been learning from over and over and over again). I just cant accept that the messages that I receive subliminally, literally, and statistically are stagnant complexes.
I feel this dreadful silent structure that just doesn't want to change, that wants to remain the same, despite everything that it silently perpetuates looks like (time and time again) a pipeline to an inevitable self destruction- and not only that, it systematically silences and it erases. I mean look at whats been happening to our planet.
And I just feel like ...NAW .
This is what I've been going through this whole year- I've been in this place, and I've watched it, and it seems like its been watching me- and its rooted in coded norms- the things we choose to acknowledge as well as the things we choose to ignore- and as abstract as that may or may not seem- it speaks to me in a real way. Because in my mind, in my spirit, in my whole being I see so much beauty, and I see so much potential. Not only that, I see connections and I seek to explore them, to understand them better, to understand me better and how I've ended up here, within the circumstances- embracing all of where I (we've) been, with a nurturing and fearful spirit. Because I feel like that's what we need, certainly what I need.
And so, the earth nutritionist is an identity, a concept, an idea, and a tool to envisioning a healthy and whole planet as well as healthy and whole selves and we don't run or hide from our communities, or how they currently look- whether you live in a green wonderland or a street awash with convenience food wrappers and trash and dirty needles. One neighborhood at a time, one plot at a time- we can enlighten and bring cheer to the space around us, which then gives us joy and health, and pride in who we are and who we live. This is what comes to mind when I think of an "earthy nutritionist" and this is where Ill start.
So, there's some wonderful things coming about soon! And for the meantime, its time to let go of some excess things that have been sitting around. I was baout to post a pic of one of the projects Im currently working on, but for some reason the pic wont send to my computer from my phone. But I think the following picture wraps it up, and sort of integrates this entire post.
So, basically this.
